Private Embryo Donation Match vs. Agency: How to Decide

A private embryo donation match, also called a directed donation, happens when a recipient family and a donating family find each other without a matching program, often through a friend, a referral, social media, or an online forum. These arrangements can feel personal and flexible, and they also place the legal, medical, and shipping tasks that a program would normally coordinate onto the two families involved.³

If you are deciding how to move forward, the right path depends on whether you already have a match and how much of that work you want to manage. This guide compares a private match on your own, Donor Nexus Independent Match Embryo Coordination, and the Donor Embryo Program, where you choose from existing profiles, and explains what each path requires of you.

What do families weigh when choosing between a private match and an agency?

Families often weigh the personal connection of a private match against the time and logistics it takes to complete one. In this short video, Jackie Henneman, who built her family through embryo donation, shares the pros and cons she sees in a private match compared with working with an agency.

Video credit: Jackie Henneman (@j_j_familystory)

What is a private embryo donation match?

A private embryo donation match is an arrangement in which you and a donating family connect directly and agree to a donation without a program selecting the match. ASRM uses the term "directed (identified)" for donations between people who know each other, in place of the older word "known."⁴ Families find each other through friends and relatives, referrals, social media groups, and online forums.

Because you know each other from the beginning, the two families can shape the relationship, the level of contact, and the timing together. That flexibility appeals to many recipients, and it comes with responsibilities that a matching program would otherwise share with you.

If you met the donating family through social media or an online forum, confirm the basics early. Ask where the embryos are stored, how many remain, and whether an egg or sperm donor was used, and involve attorneys before any paperwork is signed or money changes hands. The storage clinic can confirm details directly once the donating family authorizes it, which gives both families a clear starting point.

What does a private embryo donation match still need?

A private match still needs the same legal, medical, and logistical steps as any embryo donation, and you and the donating family are responsible for arranging each one:

1. Separate legal counsel and written agreements. ASRM's 2024 gamete and embryo donation guidance states that consultation with an attorney is strongly recommended for all participants in a directed donation.³ Each family should work with its own attorney experienced in reproductive law to prepare or review the agreement, including terms about parental rights and future contact.
2. Counseling. A session with a mental health professional who works with third-party reproduction gives both families space to talk through contact, disclosure to children, and genetic siblings before anyone signs.
3. Clinic acceptance and release paperwork. The clinic or storage facility holding the embryos has to release them, which involves consent forms from the donating family and sometimes an administrative fee, and your receiving clinic has to agree to accept and transfer them.
4. FDA labeling and record review. Embryos originally created for a couple's own use can later be donated even if full donor eligibility screening wasn't completed, but federal rules under 21 CFR 1271.90 require them to carry specific labels.⁵ Your physician reviews the donating family's screening records, and ASRM notes that when an egg or sperm donor was used, eligibility is determined by those gametes.³
5. Storage and shipping between labs. Frozen embryos have to move from the facility where they are stored to the lab where your transfer takes place, which means coordinating dates, shipping arrangements, and fees at both ends.
6. Payment terms that follow the rules. ASRM's guidance says donors should receive no compensation for embryos.³ Some states go further: Louisiana law expressly prohibits the sale of a human embryo,⁶ and Florida prohibits transferring an embryo for valuable consideration while excluding reasonable costs of removal, storage, and transportation.⁷

None of these steps is unusual, but each one takes time and follow-up when two families are managing them alone. That workload is one reason some families who find a match on their own look for coordination support.

How does a private match compare with independent coordination or the Donor Embryo Program?

A private match on your own gives you the most control along with the most tasks, Independent Match Embryo Coordination keeps the match you found while Donor Nexus handles the logistics, and the Donor Embryo Program lets you choose from existing profiles with no wait list.^1,2

Source: donornexus.com, September 2026.^1,2

How does Independent Match Embryo Coordination work?

Independent Match Embryo Coordination is a Donor Nexus service for embryo donors and recipients who found each other on their own, through a referral, social media, an online forum, or another avenue. It starts at $6,500 USD and includes:¹

• Coordinating communication among both families, labs, storage facilities, and fertility clinics
• Coordinating embryo transportation to HRC Fertility in Newport Beach
• Organizing the paperwork required for the transfer
• Outlining all costs, including legal, storage, transportation, and administrative fees
• Referring each family to a separate, experienced fertility attorney
• Confirming eligibility if an egg or sperm donor was used to create the embryos
• Covering additional bloodwork for the donor father if it is needed

As the recipient, you generally pay the transportation costs and the legal fees for both families in addition to the coordination fee. Your embryo transfer takes place at HRC Fertility in Newport Beach, so plan for about 4 days in the area.¹ You can read the full service details on the Independent Match Embryo Coordination page.

When does the Donor Embryo Program fit better?

The Donor Embryo Program tends to fit families who haven't found a match and would like to choose from existing profiles. After you register for free, you can browse profiles that show health and family history, physical traits, embryo details, and each donating family's openness preference. The $9,400 USD program fee includes 1 to 3 embryos from the profile you select, administrative costs, and one year of storage, and it excludes pretesting, medications, and frozen embryo transfer fees billed by the clinic.² Transfers take place at HRC Fertility in Southern California, while pretesting, medications, and monitoring can be handled at your local clinic. 

Pricing and program details from Donor Nexus, September 2026.^1,2 The Donor Embryo Program price excludes pretesting, medications, and frozen embryo transfer fees billed by the clinic.

What emotional and relationship expectations should you discuss?

You and the donating family should discuss contact, disclosure, and boundaries before signing an agreement, since a private match begins with a relationship that both families carry forward. In a directed donation, identities are known from the start, and the children in both families may be full genetic siblings. You are not genetically related to your baby, but you carry the pregnancy, and both families may have their own feelings about that connection as the years go by.

A counseling session and a clear written agreement can help you talk through questions such as these:

1. How often, and in what ways, will your families stay in contact?
2. When and how will each family tell its children about the donation?
3. How will genetic siblings in both families learn about one another?
4. What happens if one family later wants more or less contact?
5. What will happen to any embryos that are not transferred?

Expectations can shift after a pregnancy or birth, so agree on how and when you plan to revisit them. If you are still weighing how much contact to have, our guide to open ID, nonidentified, and directed embryo donation explains how openness works in each type of donation.

Frequently asked questions about private embryo donation matches

Is private embryo donation legal?

Directed embryo donation between families takes place in the United States, and ASRM's guidance addresses it directly, but rules on parentage, agreements, and payment vary by state. Louisiana and Florida, for example, prohibit selling embryos. Talk with a reproductive attorney licensed in your state, and make sure each family has its own counsel.

Can I pay the donating family for their embryos?

No. ASRM says donors should receive no compensation for embryos, and some states prohibit embryo sales outright. Where the law allows, a recipient may cover reasonable costs such as storage, transportation, and legal fees. Your attorney can explain which expenses you can pay in your state before any money changes hands.

Can donated embryos be shipped to my own clinic?

It depends on the path you choose. With Independent Match Embryo Coordination, Donor Nexus coordinates transport of your match's embryos to HRC Fertility in Newport Beach for your transfer. In the Donor Embryo Program, embryos stay at HRC Fertility and can't be shipped out, although pretesting and monitoring can happen at your local clinic.

How long does independent match coordination take?

Timing depends on how quickly both families complete their legal agreements, how long the record review takes, and when the embryos can be shipped between labs. Because every match starts from a different point, ask the Donor Nexus team for a timeline based on your situation by emailing info@donornexus.com or calling +1 (949) 433-5635.

Do I need an agency if I found a match through social media or friends?

You can complete a private match without an agency as long as attorneys, clinic acceptance, record review, and embryo shipping are all handled. Some families manage those steps themselves, and others prefer coordination support that keeps the match they found while an experienced team handles labs, transport, paperwork, and attorney referrals.

If you already have a match, contact the Donor Nexus team at info@donornexus.com or +1 (949) 433-5635, Monday to Friday, 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. Pacific, to talk through Independent Match Embryo Coordination and what your costs would include. If you haven't found a match yet, you can register for free to browse profiles in the Donor Embryo Program and compare openness preferences before you decide.

Sources

1. Donor Nexus. Independent Match Embryo Coordination. Accessed September 2026. donornexus.com/embryo-coordination.
2. Donor Nexus. Donor Embryo Program. Accessed September 2026. donornexus.com/embryo-donation.
3. American Society for Reproductive Medicine. Gamete and embryo donation guidance. Fertility and Sterility. 2024;122:799-813. asrm.org.
4. American Society for Reproductive Medicine. Updated terminology for gamete and embryo donors: directed (identified) to replace "known" and nonidentified to replace "anonymous": a committee opinion. Fertility and Sterility. 2022;118:75-78. asrm.org.
5. Are there other exceptions and what labeling requirements apply? 21 CFR § 1271.90. Electronic Code of Federal Regulations. Accessed September 2026. ecfr.gov.
6. Louisiana Revised Statutes § 9:122. Uses of an in vitro fertilized human embryo. legis.la.gov.
7. Florida Statutes § 873.05. Advertising, purchase, sale, or transfer of human embryos or fetal remains prohibited. leg.state.fl.us.

Related reading

Open ID vs. Nonidentified Embryo DonationWhat each level of openness means, why anonymity can't be guaranteed, and questions to help you choose.Read the guideWhy Families Donate EmbryosHow donating your remaining embryos to another family works and what donors can choose.Read the guideDonor Embryo CostWhat the Donor Embryo Program includes and which clinic costs to budget for separately.Read the guide