Pen Pals: Letters Between an Intended Parent and an Egg Donor

This story shares two letters exchanged through Donor Nexus: one from an intended mother to the egg donor who helped her build her family, and the donor's reply. The two women had never met, because their donation was nonidentified, yet their words show how much each meant to the other.

If you are an intended parent wondering whether you can thank your donor, or a donor curious about the families you help, these letters give you a glimpse of that connection. To learn how contact works in each type of donation, read our guide to nonidentified, identified and Open ID egg donation, or explore our donor egg programs. If these letters have you thinking about donating, here is how to become an egg donor with Donor Nexus.

With nonidentified donations, many egg donors find themselves wondering about the intended parents, including what they are like, what their story is, and how their embryo transfer went. Once in a while, an intended parent asks us to share a letter or thank-you note with the egg donor.

Intended parent writes a thank you letter to egg donor

An intended parent recently wanted to share more about herself and her experience with her egg donor. Although they never met, the intended mother felt compelled to write the egg donor a thank you letter. The egg donor was so touched by the intended mother's kind words that she wrote back to tell her that she healed from the procedure and wished her the best for a positive pregnancy.

We wish we could share the complete letters but we’ve picked out our favorite parts to share with you.

Heartfelt words from the intended mother:

“I am currently sitting in my hotel room after having a transfer of two female embryos on Sunday, Mother’s Day… what a beautiful gift on such a symbolic day.

I wonder how you are doing and what thoughts are going through your mind. Are you ok? Are you in pain? Have you gone back to work/study?

I couldn’t be happier, this cycle has gone so well and the outcome has exceeded my expectations. The pressure is finally off! There are so many embryos to choose from that if this transfer does not end positively then I will just have to come back and try again… you gave me that, you gave me the relief of not having to worry anymore. Today I feel the freedom of choice and possibility.

I have dreamed of twin girls since I was 12 years old as I have twin sisters that are 6 years older than me. In the last few years, I have thought that dream would never become a reality at my age. And so I have genetically grieved as a donor was my only possibility and yet as I look at your photos there is such a similarity between us. We both have curly hair and blue eyes.

I really want you to know how extraordinarily grateful I am to you for giving me this opportunity to live a dream that was born so long ago. I wish you all the happiness in the world and may one day you have a family of your own and feel the love and excitement motherhood brings.”

Letter from egg donor to intended parent

The egg donor’s sweet response:

“Thank you so much for the heartfelt letter. I cried when I read it. It makes me so happy that I was able to help you and that you are so thankful! Knowing that I donated my eggs to someone so sweet makes me feel that much better about my decision.

When you said you wanted twins, I thought about my family. My grandma from my mom’s side had a twin sister so they run in my family!

To answer your questions, I am doing fine now. It took a couple of days to recover from the pain but nothing I couldn’t handle! I was off work for 3 days total, including my retrieval day. I was in pain/sore for about a full week. But some rest, a heating pad, and eating protein made me feel much better.

I’ve donated a few other times and only one other IP wrote me a thank you note. You are the first to write me a heartfelt letter and I really appreciate it. It makes me feel really good!

I hope that all goes well with your cycle and that you end up with two beautiful baby girls in 9 months! I am sure they will have our curly hair and blue eyes. I hope that your dream comes true and I wish you all the best.”

A note like this means a great deal to an egg donor, because it helps her see how much her donation matters in someone’s life. If you are going through an egg donor cycle, we encourage you to write your egg donor a thank-you note, since even a few heartfelt lines can stay with her for years.

Update: in May, the intended mother confirmed pregnancy with twin girls!

If you're exploring donor eggs, our guides to using donor eggs, how our egg donor agency works and our frozen donor egg bank walk through each path, and you can create an account to search the egg donor database whenever you're ready.

Frequently asked questions

Can intended parents write a thank-you letter to their egg donor?

Yes. Occasionally intended parents ask for a thank-you letter to be shared with their egg donor, even in a nonidentified donation, as the intended mother in this story did.

How did the egg donor respond to the letter?

She wrote back that the letter made her cry and that she was happy she could help. She also described her recovery after retrieval and thanked the intended mother for writing.

What happened after the letters were exchanged?

In an update to the story, the intended mother confirmed she was pregnant with twin girls.

Related reading

Egg Donation Explained: Nonidentified, Identified, Open IDHow each type of egg donation handles names, contact and future connection between donors and families.Read the post10 Tips for Bonding With Your Baby Born via Donor EggsWhat attachment research and parents through egg donation say about bonding with your baby.Read the postCori's Path to Motherhood Through Donor EggsHow Cori turned to donor eggs after multiple miscarriages and welcomed her daughter.Read the post