The path to parenthood doesn’t always unfold as expected. For Erica, that path changed dramatically after years of undiagnosed endometriosis led to a life-changing revelation and, ultimately, infertility.
But that diagnosis didn’t end her dream of becoming a mother. Instead, it led Erica to consider using an egg donor—taking a different path, but one that ultimately brought her to the child she was meant to love.
Today, she looks at her son, Nicky, with wonder and gratitude, marveling at how much he resembles her and at the incredible joy he brings to her life.
“I’m so grateful that I do have the son that I have,” she says. “Whatever baby you end up with is who you’re supposed to have.”
A different future than imagined
Erica spent nearly two decades searching for answers. By the time doctors discovered the severity of her disease, she was facing stage four endometriosis and emergency surgery.
“I was like one person one day and another person the next day,” she recalls. “I had no idea I even had a problem and now… they’re like, you need to see an IVF doctor right away.”
At her fertility clinic, the news was devastating. Erica learned that her endometriosis had severely damaged her reproductive health. “By the time I was 30, my endometriosis had been so untreated and undiagnosed and unmanaged,” she says. “I was basically sterile because of it.”
Photo: @eri_jordan on Instagram
Like many intended parents facing infertility, Erica initially hoped she could still build her family with her own eggs. She pursued egg retrievals, even as her chances became slimmer.
IVF after a stage four endometriosis diagnosis can be especially hard on the body. She quickly learned that while IVF was still technically possible, it did not necessarily make her a strong candidate for success with her own eggs.
When more treatment no longer felt right
Erica went through multiple retrieval attempts using her own eggs. Despite the injections, procedures, cost, and hope invested in each cycle, the results remained limited. “My eggs were falling apart,” she says.
She speaks openly about how easy it is for women to feel pressured to keep going at all costs. But for her, choosing a different path was not giving up. It was an act of self-preservation. As she puts it,
Grieving one dream while making space for another
That shift didn’t happen overnight. And it wasn’t easy: Moving away from trying for a genetic child felt like a real and profound loss, she says. Like you’re grieving the death of yourself while you’re still alive.
Still, she realized grief and hope can coexist. Erica gave herself permission to let go of the version of motherhood she had once imagined so she could move toward the family she still deeply wanted. That choice opened the door to donor conception.
Writing a goodbye letter to her genetic child
Years ago, in a group therapy session, Erica wrote a goodbye letter to her genetic child. At the time, the exercise felt daunting. Looking back now, she sees those words with a lot of compassion. She had spent years trying to make embryos with her own eggs. She believes that if she had known where a different path to motherhood would lead, she may have let go of using her own eggs much sooner.
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When she wrote that letter, Erica was still trying to say goodbye to a dream she had not yet fully released. Today, she sees just how much more comfortable, confident, and grateful she has become. Now she knows without doubt that she ended up with the exact child who was meant for her—and she would not trade who he is, or the connection they share, for anything.
Erica and her partner considered other possibilities, including embryo adoption and traditional adoption. But donor eggs made the most sense for their circumstances at the time. It was a thoughtful, grounded decision shaped by both medical reality and a desire to keep moving forward.
Finally finding a sense of relief
In making that choice, Erica found something many intended parents are searching for: relief. Not because the road had been easy, but because she no longer was clinging to a path that was harming her physically, emotionally, and financially.
If Erica’s experience resonates with where you are right now—we’d love to talk. Our coordinators work with intended parents at every stage of this decision, with no pressure and no rush. Reach out when you're ready.
Over time, she learned that genetics are only part of the story. She and her partner chose a donor with features that felt familiar to her, including similar eyes, hair, and complexion. That helped, but it was not the only thing that shaped her experience of motherhood.
Choosing donor eggs—and moving forward
Once Erica embraced donor conception, things began to take off. She matched with a donor within three weeks of looking, completed the necessary testing, and moved ahead with treatment. She was pregnant within three months.
Photo: @eri_jordan on Instagram
Erica also came to understand the role of epigenetics. She carried her son, and her body nurtured him throughout pregnancy. Her blood, hormones, and environment all played a part in his development. She learned that a mother’s womb can influence how genes are expressed, a truth that gave her an even deeper sense of connection to the child she was carrying.
A message of hope
Erica knows the fear, stigma, and the pressure many women feel around donor conception. She believes the heart of parenting is not genetics, but love, intention, and openness. She covers those topics and more in her award-winning book, Moving Mountains For Motherhood – A Guide to Survive And Even Thrive Through Your Infertility Journey. Connect with Erica on Instagram at eri.jordan_ and @movingmountainsformotherhood.
Today, Erica regards her son with deep gratitude. And she lets him know—in a way that’s age-appropriate—that her path to motherhood was a little different than expected, but no less miraculous.
Considering donor eggs?
For those considering donor egg conception, Donor Nexus can help guide the entire process. With hundreds of donors and multiple ways to move forward, fresh and frozen options included, Donor Nexus offers the flexibility to match unique timelines, priorities, and clinic plans.