Lucy Solie-Vilker
October 8, 2026
Dr. Aimee and Victoria Niño on The Egg Whisperer Show
In an episode of The Egg Whisperer Show, reproductive endocrinologist Dr. Aimee Eyvazzadeh sat down with author Victoria Niño to talk about life after failed IVF, the decision to move forward with donor eggs and what it means to have an open relationship with your donor.
Dr. Aimee Eyvazzadeh and Victoria Niño talk about Donor Nexus on The Egg Whisperer Show.
Recognizing Donor Nexus
Dr. Aimee has worked with Donor Nexus on fresh and frozen cycles for her patients for years, and Victoria grew her family using eggs from our Frozen Egg Bank, so the conversation brings together a physician’s view and a mother’s view of working with our team.
"Donor Nexus has always been at the forefront and leader of these things."
Dr. Aimee Eyvazzadeh, The Egg Whisperer
Can you ask an egg donor whether she's open to contact?
With Donor Nexus, yes. For our coordinators, facilitating openness in an egg donor agreement often starts with simply asking. When an intended parent hopes for some level of contact, we reach out to the donor to learn what she's comfortable with. Donor Nexus offers both Non-ID and Open ID options, so each match can reflect what feels right to the donor and to the family.
Getting that question answered is less common than it should be. At many egg banks, a donor's openness is set when her profile goes live, and no one goes back to ask whether she would consider contact with a particular family. Our team works more personally than that, so when Victoria told us she was hoping for an open relationship, we simply asked the donor she had in mind. Victoria still remembers how surprised she was:
"I was like, oh my god, you're flexible? I've never heard that."
Victoria Niño on The Egg Whisperer Show
Dr. Aimee shared that even before open donation was widely discussed, Donor Nexus was willing to introduce her families to their egg donors, and that the donors said yes when those introductions were requested.
In the clip, Victoria also puts into words something many intended parents have wondered: "Can we just ask the donors?" She believes a lot of donors are open to contact but have simply been told that anonymity is how donation works, and she notes that you can't really even use the word anonymous anymore, which reflects how much consumer DNA testing has changed things for donor-conceived families.
How did Victoria get to know her donor?
Victoria did not start out wanting to know her donor. When she used donor eggs for her daughter, her donor was anonymous, and when Dr. Aimee asked whether she had wanted a relationship with that donor back then, Victoria was candid about how she felt.
"I was like get this person away from me, I don't want to know, I don't want to see."
Victoria Niño on The Egg Whisperer Show
She explains that she was deep in grief and denial at the time and didn't want the donor to "invade our life," a feeling Dr. Aimee says she hears from many of her own patients until they have their baby and the questions start. Years later, when Victoria was trying for a second child, she learned that our Frozen Egg Bank works with donors who are open to contact, something she had never heard of, and she knew right away it was what she wanted. Looking back, she says knowing who her donor is would be the one change she would make if she could do it all over again.
When she came to our Frozen Egg Bank for her son, she wanted a donor who would be open to contact, so our team checked with her ideal donor about her comfort level before Victoria made her choice. In the full episode, she shares that she and her donor began communicating after her first trimester, and that the connection became especially valuable later, when a family medical history question came up, and her donor was able to answer it quickly.
Victoria Niño with her newborn son, conceived with eggs from our Frozen Egg Bank.
How do you decide whether an Open ID donor is right for you?
If knowing your donor matters to you, or you're still deciding whether it does, our team can walk you through the Non-ID and Open ID donors available and what contact could look like for your family.
Choosing an Open ID donor also doesn't commit you to a close relationship or to bringing someone new into your family's everyday life. For many families, contact is occasional and happens on their own terms, whether that's a few emails a year, a photo now and then or an answer to a medical history question when one comes up. Victoria and her son's donor have never met or spoken on the phone, but they email and she has seen photos of her, which has given Victoria the openness she wanted without it becoming more than she was looking for.
How much contact you have, how often it happens and whether it changes over time is something you and your donor shape together, and our team helps set those expectations before you match.
Questions to talk through early in your search
- Would you like future contact with your donor, and what kind of contact feels comfortable to you?
- When would you want communication to begin, if at all?
- How would you like to handle family medical history questions after your match?
- If your child wants to reach the donor someday, what would you want that process to look like?
Watch the full episode
Thank you to Dr. Aimee for the kind words about our team and for welcoming Victoria to The Egg Whisperer Show, and thank you to Victoria for sharing her family's experience so openly with other intended parents. In the full episode below, which is also on Dr. Aimee's site, Victoria talks about grieving failed IVF cycles and deciding to move forward with donor eggs. If you're in that place yourself, her post on what happens after IVF fails picks up where the conversation leaves off.
Full episode: When IVF Fails, The Egg Whisperer Show with guest Victoria Niño (34 minutes).
If you're exploring donor eggs, our guides to using donor eggs, how our egg donor agency works and our frozen donor egg bank walk through each path, and you can create an account to search the egg donor database whenever you're ready.
Frequently asked questions about knowing your egg donor
Can I contact my egg donor?
It depends on the openness level the donor chose. An Open ID donor has agreed to some form of contact, while a Non-ID donor has chosen to keep her identifying information private. At Donor Nexus, if contact matters to you, our team can ask a donor what she's comfortable with before you match, and the timing and form of any contact are worked out together.
What is the difference between Open ID and Non-ID egg donors?
An Open ID donor has agreed to some form of contact, and what that looks like, from answering a medical history question to hearing from your child someday, is something you work out with her and our team. A Non-ID donor keeps her identity private. Donor Nexus offers both and doesn't present either as the better choice, since each reflects a decision the donor made for herself.
Is egg donation still anonymous?
Not in the way it once was, because consumer DNA tests let people find genetic relatives, so a donor-conceived child may one day be able to identify their donor whatever was agreed at the start. That's part of why Victoria says you can't really use the word anonymous anymore, and why more intended parents are weighing openness when they choose a donor.
About Dr. Aimee Eyvazzadeh
Dr. Aimee Eyvazzadeh is a board-certified reproductive endocrinologist known as The Egg Whisperer. She hosts The Egg Whisperer Show, a fertility podcast for patients navigating IVF, egg freezing, and donor egg IVF. Follow her on Instagram at @eggwhisperer.
About Victoria Niño
Victoria Niño is a donor egg IVF advocate, author of the children's book Our Hearts Match, and a mother via egg donation. She shares her experience with donor conception, epigenetics, and early disclosure on Instagram at @expectinganything.
About Donor Nexus
Donor Nexus is an egg donation agency, California-licensed tissue bank and FDA-registered egg bank based in Newport Beach, California, with a Fresh Matching Program, a Frozen Egg Bank and a Donor Embryo Program all under one roof. Since 2012, our team has supported more than 2,000 babies born to families around the world.
Having all three programs in house means no one gets steered toward the only option we happen to offer. Some families want a fresh cycle with a donor matched to them, others prefer the shorter timeline of a cohort from the Frozen Egg Bank, and some find their path through embryo donation. Our team talks through those tradeoffs with you, coordinates donor records, timing and shipping directly with your clinic, and supports you from the first call through your transfer.
Where to go from here
If you are still in the reading and gathering stage, browse our blog for articles on all the questions we hear the most often.
A note on donor contact
Donor Nexus offers both Non-ID and Open ID donors, and we do not present either one as the better choice. Open ID means a donor has agreed to some form of contact, while Non-ID means she has chosen to keep her information private, and both reflect decisions the donor made for herself. Whether contact happens, what it looks like and when it begins is something each intended parent works out alongside their donor and our team.
Disclaimer
This article is general information and is not medical advice. Talk with your physician and fertility clinic about your own care.
Lucy Solie-Vilker
Lucy Solie-Vilker is the CEO of Donor Nexus, where she's helped build one of the most established platforms in egg and embryo donation. Since 2012, her work has contributed to more than 2,000 babies born to Don…
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