Victoria Nino on Grief, Donor Eggs, and Finding Your Way Forward

For so many intended parents, it is one of the loneliest moments of the fertility journey—and one of the least talked about. The grief is real, the silence is deafening, and the question of "what now?" can feel impossible to answer.

What Happens After IVF Fails?

Our incredible partner, donor egg advocate, and author Victoria Nino sat down with Dr. Aimee Eyvazzadeh on The Egg Whisperer Show to have exactly that conversation. Victoria has lived through multiple failed IVF cycles, a stage three endometriosis diagnosis, and years of heartbreak before becoming a mother twice through donor egg IVF—each time through a completely different path.

Her story is raw. It is honest. And it is full of the kind of hard-won wisdom that only comes from truly living it.

Whether you are in the middle of a failed cycle right now, wondering if donor eggs are the right next step, or simply looking for someone who truly understands—this episode is for you.

The Grief of Failed IVF Cycles—and Why It Deserves to Be Named

One of the most important things Victoria shares in this episode is something that many in the fertility community rarely say out loud: the grief of a failed IVF cycle is a profound loss, and it deserves to be treated like one.

When a cycle fails, the loss is not just medical. It is the loss of hope you had been carrying, the version of the future you had been imagining, and sometimes the loss of the identity you had built around becoming a parent in a specific way. And yet the world often moves on quickly—the next appointment is scheduled, the next protocol is discussed—while the emotional weight of what just happened goes largely unacknowledged.

Victoria gives language to that grief in a way that many intended parents will recognize immediately. She does not minimize it or rush past it. She sits in it, because she has lived it—and that honesty is exactly what makes this episode so valuable.
The grief of a failed cycle deserves to be acknowledged—not rushed past in preparation for the next one.

The Emotional Tipping Point: When Exhaustion Becomes Openness

Victoria also speaks candidly about something that is hard to describe until you have experienced it: the emotional tipping point between the exhaustion of continued IVF attempts and the openness to consider a different path.

For many intended parents, that shift does not happen all at once. It is not a single moment of clarity. It is a gradual process—sometimes slow, sometimes sudden—of moving from "I cannot imagine doing this any other way"  to "I am willing to find out what else is possible."

Victoria describes that journey with remarkable honesty. She talks about the fear, the shame, and the grief that can accompany even the first thought of using donor eggs, and she also talks about what came next when she finally allowed herself to explore it.
What she found was not defeat. It was a door.

Considering donor eggs is not giving up. For many families, it is the beginning of the path that actually leads home.

Understanding Your Options: Fresh vs. Frozen Donor Eggs

One of the practical sections of this episode covers the difference between fresh and frozen donor egg cycles—an important distinction for anyone beginning to explore egg donation as a path to parenthood.

Fresh donor eggs

In a fresh donor egg cycle, your egg donor undergoes an ovarian stimulation process timed to synchronize with your own uterine preparation. Eggs are retrieved from the donor and fertilized in the lab, and resulting embryos are typically transferred shortly after. Fresh cycles may yield a higher number of mature eggs, but they require more coordination between donor and recipient and are generally more expensive.

Frozen donor eggs
Frozen egg donation—also called frozen donor egg banking—uses eggs that have already been retrieved, fertilized, and stored. Recipients can select a donor whose eggs are already available, which significantly simplifies the timeline and often reduces cost. Advances in egg vitrification (flash-freezing) have made frozen egg donation a highly effective and increasingly popular option.
At Donor Nexus, we specialize in frozen donor egg cycles and work with intended parents to find the right match from our diverse, thoroughly screened donor database. If you have questions about which approach is right for your situation, our team is here to walk you through every option.

What an Open Donor Relationship Looks Like—and Why It Matters

Victoria shares something in this episode that she describes as one of her most meaningful realizations: the value of an open donor relationship.

An open donor relationship means that the child born through donation has the option to make contact with their donor when they are old enough to choose. It does not mean an ongoing relationship during pregnancy or childhood—it means leaving a door open for the future.

Victoria wishes she had chosen this from the start. And while every family's values and circumstances are different, her experience is a powerful reminder that how you think about donor conception today may evolve significantly as your child grows—and that the decisions made at the beginning of the journey can have long-reaching implications for the whole family.

It is a conversation worth having early, and an honest one.

The Science of Epigenetics and the "Am I the Real Mom?" Question

If you have ever asked yourself, or been afraid to ask yourself, "will this child really feel like mine?", you are not alone. It is one of the most common and most deeply human questions in the donor egg journey.

Victoria and Dr. Aimee address it head-on in this episode, drawing on the growing body of research in epigenetics—the science of how genes are expressed and shaped by environment.

When you carry a pregnancy, you are not simply a host. You are actively influencing how your baby's genes express themselves through your hormones, your blood, your heartbeat, your voice, and your body. The scientific term for this is the maternal epigenetic influence—and it means that the child you carry is shaped by you in ways that are biological, not just emotional.

For many intended parents, this science is genuinely transformative. It does not replace the emotional work of processing donor conception, but it offers a new and scientifically grounded way to understand the deep biological connection that exists between a birth parent and the child they carry.

You are not just carrying this baby. You are shaping who they become.

Overcoming Shame and Fear of Judgment

Victoria is honest about something that many intended parents carry quietly: the fear of judgment. From family members who may not understand. From friends who may ask difficult questions. From a culture that has historically kept donor conception private—sometimes secret.

She talks about what it takes to move through that fear—not to eliminate it entirely, but to refuse to let it make the decision for you. And she speaks about the community she found on the other side: other donor egg families who understand the journey, whose children are growing up, and who have found their own language for telling their stories.

Shame thrives in silence. Community is one of the most powerful antidotes to it.

At Donor Nexus, we believe in supporting intended parents not just through the medical process, but through the emotional and social dimensions of this journey as well. You do not have to carry this alone.

Victoria's One Regret—and What She'd Tell You Right Now

When asked what she would do differently, Victoria's answer is clear: she wishes she had not waited as long as she did.

Not because her journey was wrong—it led her exactly where she needed to be. But because the months and years spent in the grief of repeated cycles, the shame of considering donor eggs, and the fear of making the wrong decision were painful in ways that did not have to be that painful.

She is not saying the emotional process can be skipped. She is saying that getting information—just looking, just exploring—does not commit you to anything. It simply gives you more to work with.

That is permission, if you need it, to start asking questions.

Listen to the Full Episode

Victoria's conversation with Dr. Aimee Eyvazzadeh on The Egg Whisperer Show is one of the most honest, compassionate, and genuinely useful conversations we have heard about what happens after IVF fails—and what comes next.

If you are in that place right now, or if someone you love is, this episode is worth your time.

Listen to The Egg Whisperer Show: https://bit.ly/3OkCEaL
Read more from Dr. Aimee: https://draimee.org/when-ivf-fails-the-what-now-moment-and-finding-hope-through-donor-eggs-with-guest-victoria-nino

About Victoria Nino
Victoria Nino is a donor conception advocate, author, and mom of two through donor egg IVF. Her book, Our Hearts Match, tells her story of infertility, loss, and the unexpected joy of building her family through egg donation. She is the founder of @infertilityunfiltered, a community built on honest, inclusive conversation about all paths to parenthood.

Ready to Explore Egg Donation?

At Donor Nexus, we walk with intended parents through every step of the egg donation process—from first questions to matched donor to successful transfer. Our team is here to answer your questions, support your decisions, and help you find the path that is right for your family.

Register for free to browse our donor database: donornexus.com
Contact our team to schedule a consultation.