Victoria Nino
May 2, 2025
Whether this is your first time considering donor eggs or you’ve always known you would need an egg donor to build your family, choosing an egg donor is not an easy process. Having personally navigated this journey three times, with different agencies and egg banks, I know firsthand how exciting yet overwhelming it can be.
Below, I share the lessons I learned choosing an egg donor three separate times. Along the way, the Donor Nexus team adds the practical side of the decision: how donor screening works, the choices you will make about contact and programs, and what the research says affects outcomes.
The short answer
When choosing an egg donor, decide on the relationship you want with her first, then look closely at her health and family history, genetic carrier results and fertility screening before photos or GPAs.
A donor's age at retrieval is the most predictive factor for cycle success, and it is already built into screening criteria, so some of the profile details that feel most important, like photos or GPA, carry less weight in the outcome.1
The lessons I learned about how to pick an egg donor
I’m here to share some of the lessons I've learned from my experiences in hopes of making this process a bit easier for you and to help you avoid making the same mistakes I made.
1. Deeply consider your relationship with your egg donor
Before you even begin your search, it's important to think about the kind of relationship you want with your egg donor. You don’t want to choose someone who isn’t going to be able to give you the relationship you want, because once legal contracts are signed, it’s almost impossible to change. Trust me, I’ve tried (with another agency).
We initially chose someone who was open to being contacted by our child at 18 years old, but after having my daughter, I realized that wasn’t good enough for us. I wanted access to our egg donor; I wanted to be able to email her if my daughter had a question. I have been fighting for 3 years now to try to revise our agreement without success. Learn from my mistakes.
Think about the type of access you want to this person or the information you’d want for your future child. It’s easy to overlook this part of the process in the beginning because excitement kicks in, and it’s easy to dive straight into focusing on physical attributes.
If you have a partner, have a serious conversation with them about what is important to you and your family before hopping online to browse the egg donor database.
Questions to ask yourself and your partner:
- Do you want to talk to the egg donor before making a decision?
- How involved do you want them in your life or your child’s life?
- Is it important to you to know their name?
- What do you think your child would want out of a relationship?
Once you have determined the type of relationship you want with your egg donor, then you can proceed with your search.
2. Look closely at the egg donor’s personal health and family health history
Before you go looking at GPAs and eye color, it’s important to ensure your donor is healthy. Look closely at their family health history. Are their parents still living? What about grandparents? Was there any mental illness in the family? Or cancer? What about allergies? Find out what genetic screening has taken place and if your donor is a genetic carrier of anything.
Your chosen egg donor agency or egg bank should provide you with this information. For instance, Donor Nexus lists genetic carrier results directly on the egg donor profile and can typically request additional genetic carrier testing if needed.
3. How fertile is the egg donor?
This might seem like a no-brainer, but again, when the excitement takes over, it’s easy to fall in love with your donor’s baby pictures and 20-year-old model status, but unfortunately, being young and beautiful doesn't always equal fertile. If the right egg donor screening isn’t done, you could find yourself in my shoes. The first donor I ever chose with another agency was a first-time egg donor. I chose her solely based on her physical characteristics and didn’t ask any questions about her fertility or health history. I trusted that the right tests were done and that if she was in the database, chances were, she was fertile as a turtle. WRONG.
The day before her IVF retrieval, the majority of her eggs had dissolved. We had already invested so much emotionally and financially. To say I was heartbroken was an understatement. I was naive to think that an egg donor equaled a baby, but unfortunately, that is not the case.
This isn’t to say that first-time donors aren’t fertile, because obviously, they all have to start somewhere, but working with the right egg donor agency (or egg bank) and fertility clinic is extremely important. Find out what type of fertility screening is done. Ask your doctor, “Would you choose this donor if it was for your own family?” Your doctor and agency Case Manager should be able to help you narrow down your search because they ultimately want you to have success too. Don’t be afraid to involve them in the process.
How egg donor screening works at Donor Nexus
From the Donor Nexus team
Before you spend much time on a donor's profile, it helps to know where she sits in the screening process, because not every donor in the database is at the same stage. Before being accepted into our programs and added to the donor database, every egg donor candidate completes a detailed FDA medical questionnaire covering her personal and family health history and is personally interviewed by our team.
- Frozen Egg Bank: every donor with eggs available in our Frozen Egg Bank has already completed the full screening process below.
- Fresh Matching Program: in our Fresh Matching Program, full screening is started and carried out by your clinic after you match with a donor. It can take up to four months depending on the donor's cycle and scheduling, and about one in four donors screen out during this stage.4
| Screening step | What it covers |
|---|---|
| Physical exam | In-person evaluation by the treating clinic |
| Medical tests and evaluations | Bloodwork and clinical history review |
| Fertility assessment | Ovarian reserve testing |
| Infectious disease and STI screening | Standard testing completed before the cycle |
| Drug screening | Substance testing before the cycle |
| Genetic counseling | Carrier screening and family history review |
| Psychological screening | Evaluation and consultation with a mental health professional |
| Legal consultation | Independent legal representation for the donor |
Our egg donor screening page covers each step in more detail.
Open ID or nonidentified: deciding on contact
From the Donor Nexus team
As Victoria learned, the kind of relationship you want with your donor is the decision to make before anything else, because it is very hard to change once contracts are signed. With a nonidentified donor, no identifying information is exchanged. With an Open ID donor, the donor has agreed that the donor-conceived person can access identifying information once they turn 18. Donor Nexus offers both, and the choice is yours to make deliberately rather than by default. Our post on anonymous vs. open egg donation goes deeper.
| Open ID donor | Nonidentified donor | |
|---|---|---|
| What is shared | Donor has agreed that identifying information may be released | No identifying information is exchanged |
| When | Once the donor-conceived person turns 18 | Not applicable |
| Who decides | You do, when you select a donor | You do, when you select a donor |
Fresh Matching Program or Frozen Egg Bank
From the Donor Nexus team
Your program also shapes how you choose. In the Fresh Matching Program, you match with one donor who cycles for you, and you receive every egg retrieved. In the Frozen Egg Bank, you choose from donors who have already completed a retrieval, and a cohort of frozen eggs is shipped to your U.S. fertility clinic. Our comparison of fresh vs. frozen donor eggs covers success rates, donor egg cost, timing and siblings.
| Fresh Matching Program | Frozen Egg Bank | |
|---|---|---|
| What you are choosing | A donor who cycles for you | A cohort of eggs already retrieved and banked |
| What you receive | Every egg retrieved in that cycle | A defined number of eggs |
| Screening status when you choose | Full screening runs after you match | Full screening already complete |
| Extra genetic testing | Usually straightforward, since the donor is still participating | Harder to arrange, since screening is already done |
More things families weigh when choosing a donor
From the Donor Nexus team
Physical traits and standout qualities
Many families start with height, eye and hair color, or a resemblance to the intended mother, and some look for donors with modeling experience, athletic backgrounds or advanced degrees. If those qualities matter to you, our Premier egg donors page brings those profiles together in one place, and every donor's full profile includes photos from childhood through adulthood.
Personality and lifestyle
The personal essays and answers on a donor's profile often bring her to life in a way photos cannot. You may notice whether she comes across as introspective, upbeat or funny, what motivated her to donate, and the routines and values she describes, and many parents find that one of these details is what makes a donor feel right for their family.
First-time or proven donor
Some donors on our database are donating for the first time, while proven donors have completed at least one previous cycle. A proven donor's earlier cycle gives you more to go on, and a first-time donor has still passed the same screening, so this is a good question to talk through with your doctor and case manager alongside her age, health history and fertility screening.
Cost
Your total cost depends on the program you choose, so it helps to compare the full picture rather than the donor compensation alone. Our financial breakdown lays out what is included in each program, and our team can walk you through the numbers before you commit to a donor.
What the data says about outcomes
From the Donor Nexus team
A donor's age at egg retrieval is the most predictive factor for cycle success, and it is already accounted for in screening criteria.1,2 Beyond age, the quality of the IVF lab and the experience of the clinic doing the transfer matter a great deal. For what published success rates measure and how to compare programs fairly, see our guide to donor egg IVF success rates.
What I stopped worrying about
You aren’t looking for your twin
They. Don’t. Exist.
Fertility, health and relationship are the most important things, try to remind yourself of this during your search. Try not to get lost in their big, beautiful eyes. You can find a resemblance; just make sure you dive deeper into their family history, genetic screening, and reasons for becoming an egg donor. Now that I have a child via egg donation, I have no doubt what’s most important, and I can tell you it is certainly not eye color.
I’m not saying to just pick anyone. It’s totally normal to want to find a resemblance to yourself in the donor; just don’t obsess over it.
You don’t need to fall in love
Our first doctor told me to think about choosing the donor, like choosing my spouse. She said that there should be a spark or some sort of connection. She assured me that I would know when I had found the “one.” I beat myself up over this. How am I supposed to feel something for a young girl I’ve never met just by reading an essay or seeing some photos?
You can’t.
And you know what? The one I thought I was in love with? Well, her eggs didn’t work. So, scratch that theory. Better yet, I never felt a love connection with our second egg donor, the one who helped us conceive my daughter, my soulmate, the love of my life.
REMEMBER: This is not a marriage. You do not need to find your soulmate - your partner and your child will fill that role. There are far more important things to focus on than searching for a love connection with someone on a computer screen.
My lack of connection to our egg donor has had zero bearing on how I feel about my child. From the day that embryo was placed inside of me, I was bonded with her for life. That’s when the real love connection happened. That’s when the sparks went flying in every direction of my heart.
That was the moment I became a mother.
No one is perfect
Not your egg donor, not me, not you. Picture yourself as an egg donor, and think about the flaws that make you, you. I’m sure you’d have some things in your history you aren’t exactly proud of. Egg donors are human, too. Try not to be judgemental. At the beginning of my search, I obsessed over the littlest things and I felt so icky about it. Who am I to judge? I can’t fathom an infertile couple judging me by my bio and photos when I was in my early 20s.
Yikes.
Find ONE thing that connects you
Find one quality that connects you to the egg donor. One! Whether that be appearance, education, career, personality, or family heritage. Don’t obsess over finding your doppelganger, they don’t exist. Try to find one thing that connects you to your egg donor, and if you have more than one, then great!
I love being able to talk to my daughter about how we both might share German, English, and Irish genes. Or the fact that even though she didn’t get her donor’s blue eyes, if she did, we would have been able to connect on having the same color eyes. It’s less about connecting with the donor, and more so having another connection to your child and a way to tie you all together.
As I discussed in my post about Infertility Grief, there is so much more to pass on to our children than genetics.
Try to have some fun with it. It’s easy to get stressed out and feel the weight of the decision you are making, but at the end of the day, there is no perfect egg donor, just like there is no perfect person.
From the Donor Nexus team: there is no scientific consensus that traits like intelligence or personality pass through egg donation in the ways people often assume. The donor supplies the genetic material, and the person carrying the pregnancy influences how those genes are expressed as the baby develops.3 Our post on epigenetics and donor eggs walks through that research.
Practical tips from the Donor Nexus team
- Give yourself a realistic timeframe. Some people find their donor in an afternoon, while others review profiles over several weeks, and both are normal.
- Involve your partner or support person, and agree in advance on how the final call gets made if you see it differently.
- If you feel stuck between two donors, your case manager can help you think it through.
When you're ready to start looking, you can create an account to search the egg donor database, and our donor eggs guide walks through how fresh and frozen options compare.
Frequently asked questions
Can I choose my egg donor?
Yes. When you work with an egg donor agency or egg bank, you review donor profiles and choose your donor yourself. At Donor Nexus, registering gives you access to the egg donor database, where you can browse fresh donors and frozen egg cohorts, and your case manager can help you narrow your options.
What should I look for when choosing an egg donor?
Start with the relationship you want, since contact terms are hard to change after contracts are signed. Then look at her personal and family health history, genetic carrier results and fertility screening before physical traits. Her age at retrieval is the most predictive factor for success, and screening criteria already account for it.
What if I can't find an egg donor I feel good about?
Give it time and talk with your case manager. New donors join the database regularly, and you can save a search so you hear about new donors who match what you are looking for. Loosening one or two criteria, such as eye color, often opens up strong options.
Can I change my mind after selecting a donor?
In a frozen cycle, you can change your selection before the eggs are shipped and processed. In a fresh cycle the timing matters more, so talk with your case manager about where you are in the process.
What if the donor I want is no longer available?
Frozen Egg Bank donors may have limited cohorts remaining, and fresh donors can have availability limits depending on where they are in screening. If a donor becomes unavailable, your case manager can help you find similar options.
Find additional resources in the Donor Nexus blog:
Fresh vs. Frozen Donor Eggs: 5 Important Factors to Compare
A side-by-side look at the key differences between fresh and frozen donor egg cycles.
7 Ways I Learned to Cope With Infertility Grief
Victoria shares what helped her move through the grief that came with infertility.
Should I Use Donor Eggs? Will I Have Any Regrets?
An honest look at the doubts that come up when you are deciding whether donor eggs are right for you.
Epigenetics and Donor Eggs: How Your Body Shapes Your Baby
What epigenetics research says about how a mother via donor eggs shapes her baby during pregnancy.
Explaining Donor Conception to Your Child: Dos and Don'ts
Practical guidance for talking with your child about how your family came to be.
Navigating Donor Conception: Understanding Privacy vs. Secrecy
How to decide what stays private in your family and why keeping it a secret is different.
Sources
- Practice Committee of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine. Evidence-based outcomes after oocyte cryopreservation for donor oocyte in vitro fertilization and planned oocyte cryopreservation: a guideline. Fertility and Sterility. 2021;116:36-47.
- Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology. Final National Summary Report for 2023. Donor egg cycles.
- Zuccarello D, Sorrentino U, Brasson V, et al. Epigenetics of pregnancy: looking beyond the DNA code. Journal of Assisted Reproduction and Genetics. 2022;39:801-816.
- Donor Nexus program data.
This post was originally published on September 28, 2021 and was updated in October 2026 with guidance from the Donor Nexus team. It is not medical advice. Please consult your physician for advice specific to you.
Disclaimer
This post shares one mother's experience alongside general information from the Donor Nexus team, and it is not medical advice. Talk with your physician and fertility clinic about your own care.
Related reading
Victoria Nino
Victoria Nino is the founder of Infertility Unfiltered, an education and support platform for women facing infertility and considering donor conception, and she writes at Expecting Anything. She is the author o…
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